Chyna: Warrior Princess - The Syxx Saga
by Rocket-Strife
Summary: The Fourth Saga. The evil spawn of Tori and X-Pac threatens to take over the planet (Such occurances seem to be daily events in the age of Chyna)
1. For These of you Just Joining Us....

  
  


Chyna: Warrior Princess 

Episode IX: For These Of You Just Joining us... 

Disclaimer

The characters depicted here aint mine. Syxx is. Don't sue me! I'm poor!

* * *

In a time of Ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. She was Chyna, a mighty princess, forged in the heat of battle. The power, the passion, the danger…her courage will change the world!

* * *

A year has past, and all is well. Chyna has been busy tracking Jericho in a far province, but she got jack tired of that, and returned back to Greece with her sidekick, Miss Kitty. All seems well; Taker continues to be dead, Tori hasn't reared her ugly head, no wars; Chyna can rest easy for a while…nah, something's gotta happen. 

***

Chyna sat in the tavern with her sidekick, drinking ale and doing nothing. It had been a while since they had graced the Kingdom of Ass' well known and best bar, the place where all the trouble really had begun. She had come here with Hunter just over a year ago in an effort to discover who her long lost brother was from the ass Jeff Jarrett, and instead found herself in deep shit when the Taker got nasty. Never mind, Kane killed him, she took over the Kingdom by beating the crap out of Billy Gunn, when who should show up…the Taker, to ruin all her happy little plans. HHH betrayed her (even though he turned out to be her long lost sibling.) and sided with Undertaker (Who also turned out to be another long lost sibling) to kill her and any one else who got in their way, including Kane (Another sibling of the Warrior Princess; Mom was a whore). She killed them both, and enjoyed it immensely.

"Chyna?" Kitty's voice broke her concentration. She turned and looked at her sidekick. 

"Yeah?" 

"There seems to be a small kerfuffle outside, Princess." Kitty said, nervously pointing outside. Chyna groaned and rose to her feet, easily shoving D'Lo out of the way and striding towards the commotion outside. There stood the last person she wanted to see; Mr. Ass, and a small pack of his soldiers, whom he was screaming to. He noticed Chyna and looked quite shocked, seeming she died a year ago and all. But that didn't really matter anymore, and with leaping steps he bounded towards the fierce Warrior Woman, waving his sword and sobbing. He fell at her feet. 

"Chyna! He's…he's HERE!" He wailed a little more. "He'll kill us all, we've got to run!" 

She sighed and shoved his head into the earth, then stepped over his flailing body. She looked at the panic in his eyes as he quickly scrambled to his feet and started towards his horse. 

"Whom, may I ask, is this big threat?" Chyna sighed flatly. Billy's lower lip trembled slightly; he pointed. Chyna looked; and she laughed. 

For, from the hills came a familiar, scrawny frame, long tangled black hair, short and somewhat spindely in his manner. She rolled her eyes and looked at Mr. Ass. 

"That's X-Pac." She said with a slight smile. "What is he gonna do, bore you to death?" 

"No…no, you don't understand!" Billy screeched, frantically struggling atop his steed. "Run Chyna, while you still have the use of your legs! AWAY!" And he and his men galloped away as fast as they could. 

Kitty looked at Chyna oddly; "What was all that about?" 

"I have absolutely no idea." She said absent mindedly, peering at X-Pac in the horizon. He certainly looked like her small weedy friend, apart from the fact he was dressed completely in black leather, and was walking in a way she'd expect the Undertaker to, which looked ridiculous. She waved her arm at him, and she noticeably saw his eyes narrow. He started to run at her, faster than she'd seen anyone run before; and he pulled out his sword. 

"Uh, Chyna…" Kitty said as he got closer and closer. "Chyna…Chyna…CHYNA!" The Warrior Princess was extremely perplexed by this, but did not pull out her weapon. Kitty fled into the tavern; Steve Austin staggered from the door with D'Lo, Val Venis and Hawk poked their heads from the window and a small group of hos gathered behind the men to watch the outcome of this confrontation. X-Pac screamed a war cry and charged Chyna; she flipped from his path, his sword just grazing her arm. She turned in shock, as he grinned evilly at her and readied the weapon for another blow. 

"Is this another one of your little 'I'm tough enough to hang with the big league' trips?!" Chyna demanded angrily. "Coz I'd stop it now, or you'll be the one who ends up seriously dead." 

"Try me Princess." He hissed, slashing the sword at her viciously. Chyna pulled out her blade and looked at him strangely as their swords clashed. He sliced at her, become extremely agitated, almost hysterical. Fortunately, he didn't see Kitty sneaking up from behind with the shovel…with a large "KA-DOONK!" sound, Kitty sent the metal part of the tool slamming into the back of his skull. He turned and glared; Kitty took a step back in horror as he shot out his arm and lifted her by the throat. Kitty shrieked and struggled in vain…Chyna took a run up and smashed him with a low blow; she grasped her fist in agony. X-Pac threw Kitty from him and turned on Chyna, then slowly pulled the cup from his tight leather trousers. With a smirk, he spinning heel kicked Chyna to the ground…then walked away. 

***

"Wow!" Austin cried as he ran towards Chyna, beer in hand. "He's one tough little son of a bitch, that's for damn sure." He took a swig. Chyna groaned and pulled herself up. 

"What the hell was that?!" Chyna muttered looking at her throbbing fist, then at Kitty laid out on the ground. "That's not the X-Pac I know. He's a pathetic little nothing. He's a determined pathetic little nothing, I'll give him that…but still a NOTHING." 

"Let's kill the little bastard!" Austin cried, raising his beer mug enthusiastically. The crowd cheered and pulled out their various weapons. "Nothing is as sweet as a lynch mob in the morning." 

"Get out of my way pot head." Chyna muttered, forcefully shoving Steve to the ground, then yanking her sidekick up from where she lay. "I, and I alone, will deal with X-Pac. You stay here and guard the tavern in case he doubles back." 

"Aw, Chynaaaa…." Steve whined. "Won't you let us at least chop off a limb?" 

"NO." 

***

And so, Chyna and Kitty rode on to the D-Generate Kingdom, to find the entire land in disrepair, and most notably, Road Dogg crucified to his own palace walls. Kitty winced as Chyna threw her Chakram at the Dogg's restraints; he tumbled from the cross and landed flat on his face. 

"Oooh, Chyna…Chyna!" Road Dogg groaned, rolling around on the ground and trying to grab her leg for support. "Save us…SAVE US!!!! WAAAAAA!" 

"You noticing a pattern here, Kitty?" Chyna muttered, hauling Jesse Jammes up to his feet. "Ok, badd ass X-Pac got nasty, huh?" 

"X-Pac?!" Road Dogg spat. "No…you don't understand. It's the child!" 

"WHAT child?!" Chyna hissed. "You mean…" 

"Yes…Tori's evil offspring. He grew to his full size within a year, and what's worse, is X-Pac's exact twin. He ran off a week ago, and all hell's broken loose. I've been hanging there for two damn days!" Road Dogg paused, then slumped against the wall. "He's conquered the Kingdom of Ass, and mine as well. It's only a matter of time before he takes the High Council. The thing is a monster!" 

"So where is the real X-Pac then?" Chyna asked. Road Dogg looked slightly vague. 

"I…dunno. I know Syxx and Kane had a huge punch on before he ran off, they truly did NOT get along. I don't know what happened after that. X-Pac chased him, he came back two days ago and crucified me, beat the living hell out of Kane, but X-Pac didn't come back. Kane went to get help when that happened, and he hasn't come back, either. They both just left me to DIE!" And he let out a pathetic little sniffle. 

"Ok, so I have to track this bastard do I?" Chyna muttered. "Yes, I'm the one that has to take care of the evil spawn of Tori. Come on Kitty." 

"Wait…where are you going?!" Road Dogg demanded, slowly climbing to his feet. "You just can't leave me here…what if Syxx comes back?!" 

"Deal with it." Chyna muttered. "I'm outta here." 

"No…" Road Dogg slowly started following. "I'll kill that son of a bitch with my bare hands. Just gimme five minutes. I REALLY need to go to the bathroom…" 

***

Syxx arrived at the lake of the damned, and raising his hands, he rolled his eyes back in his head. The waters parted as his hands rose; he casually stepped through the tumbling vortex of water, intent on his purpose. Down the spiraling staircase he strode, until he reached the sullen and foreboding gates of the Underworld. Into the deepest pits he went, randomly kicking damned souls from his path, until he reached the man he wanted to see. 

"HHH I presume." 

Hunter turned from the hunk of brimstone he was sitting on and looked the scrawny Syxx up and down; he burst in hysterical laughter. 

"What is this?!" HHH sniggered. "X-PAC?! You've come to pay little old me a visit. Well, as you can see, I'd offer you a place to sit, but you'd probably burn your ass." 

"Ha ha, cute." Syxx growled, stepping towards the smirking Hunter and sending his hand around his throat; Helmsley choked in horror. "How dare you liken me with my weak willed father?!" Syxx spat, shaking HHH's head violently. "I am Syxx, son of Tori, and destroyer of the weak. The time has come for me to take my proper place as king of the Gods, as was my mother and the Undertaker's plan. I know all. I will destroy all in my way…I've simply come to this little hellhole to offer you…a piece of the pie." 

"Eh?" Hunter hacked as Syxx released his grip. Hunter held his throat and regarded Syxx with curiosity. "A piece of the pie? I hope you can bake." 

"Was that your feeble attempt at a joke?" Syxx muttered. HHH shook his head frantically, then rose from his seat and stood to face this short, pathetic looking being. 

"Me and the Undertaker had plans. What can you offer me better than his deal?" Hunter asked. Syxx grinned wickedly. 

"The Taker will live again, as my teacher. He will teach me all he knows, thinking that when the day of Armageddon arrives, he will conquer HBK. That is not so. I will plant the knife in his back and take over Shawn myself as soon as I get the chance. You are sadistic, however Hunter, and I have read about you and your alliance with the Lord of Darkness. You got the blood from HBK." 

"Well, I know all that, I know that I'm the Game…" HHH sighed with pride. "But back to our deal." 

"Oh yes." Said Syxx. "You will rule the world above. You will become the ruler of all the provinces, and kill anyone who gets in your way. The D-Generate Kingdom, the Kingdom of Ass, Vince and the Taker's lands…they shall all be yours, for you too are the son of a god. You are deserving…plus, I like your style." 

"Oh." Said Hunter, a little awe struck by the capacity of the alliance. "That's pretty good, actually. Syxx, you got yourself a little deal. But good gods, you look so much like that scrawny little bastard. How old are you?!" 

"One next Tuesday." Syxx muttered, grabbing Hunter and dragging him from hell. "Let me just stop off at the Fates and 'convince' them to let you off on parole…" 

To be continued…


	2. Let the Game Begin

  
  


Let The Game Begin 

Chyna: Warrior Princess 

Episode X: Let The Game Begin 

Disclaimer 

The charceters depicted here (With an exception of Syxx; he's mine, all mine!) Are property of Titan sports. No copyright infringement intended. 

* * *

In a time of ancient gods, warlords, and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. She was Chyna, a mighty princess forged in the heat of low blows. The power, the passion, the danger…her courage will change the world. 

So, the evil spawn of Tori and X-Pac intends to go on a rampage and destroy the world, overthrow HBK and generally be a little asshole. Chyna must stop this evil little bastard before it's too late…at least she gets the chance to kill HHH again. 

Syxx sniggered as he opened the doors to the Parthenon on Mt. Sexy Boy, where HBK and Tori sat on their thrones. HBK leapt from his seat and looked at this small, leather clad intruder curiously. 

"Hey…aren't you that pathetic little dude from the D-Generate kingdom?!" He demanded. "Get the hell out!" 

"No." Syxx growled. "I am NOT X-Pac dammit! Stop calling me that! Gentlemen…it looks like you will have to prove to him just whom he is dealing with." And through the door stepped Taker and HHH! Shawn's jaw dropped in horror and he prepared a fireball to blast the three of them, but Tori leapt to her feet and belted him across the head with a vase. Shawn staggered forward and fell in a crumpled heap on the floor; Tori smirked and welcomed the unwanted visitors in. HHH grinned and sauntered in, in his everyday grovelly manner, Syxx attempted his demonic walk, but Taker stomped angrily all the way up to the Queen of the Gods. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she took a small step back. 

"This is the son of my brother?!" He spat, pointed at Syxx. "This…this pathetic thing?! Deceitful wench!" 

"Oh, Taker…" Tori muttered. "X-Pac is quite sexy. I couldn't HELP it. He was there, he was lost, we were only a couple of paces away from an inn…what did you expect? The child is pure evil, don't worry…" 

"I never doubted it's evil quality…but its body leaves a lot to be desired…" 

"I am not an IT." Syxx interrupted viciously. "Do not talk about me in such a manner…EVER. I am going to be the one to overthrow HBK. I will steal his immortality for myself, kill Shawn and…and give the rule to you, Taker." He shot a glare at Hunter to remind him of his true scheme, and more importantly, keep his mouth shut. HHH grinned knowingly and nodded. 

"And what do you intend to do about Chyna, Syxx?" Taker growled, stepping over Shawn's prone frame and taking his regal seat on the King of the God's throne. "She will no doubt try and stop me, AGAIN. She is really beginning to get on my nerves…" 

"Chyna?!" And Syxx let out a small giggle. "She is your number one threat?! Oh Taker…she is NOTHING. I beat her so easily it wasn't even funny. No one can stand in our way Undertaker, everything is there for the taking." 

"Yeah!" Hunter added, sticking his fist in the air. "Chyna is just a stupid jacked up bitch! No way she can take on all of us!" Syxx crossed his arms and looked rather confident, HHH and Tori clapped, and Taker shook his head. 

"You don't know just whom you're dealing with." He muttered. "The Warrior Princess is not to be underestimated…" 

"Dribble." Syxx sighed. "She will fall just like everyone else…Tori, fetch me a cold beverage!" 

***

"WHAM!' With a forceful boot, the door of the High Council chambers flew from its hinges and slammed onto the ground. Vince looked up from his cup of tea in dismay as Chyna stomped through the wreckage, Kitty and Road Dogg following meekly. Vince stood up, took a second to adjust his rabbit skin loin cloth, and glared at the Warrior Princess crossly. 

"I'm glad you chose the traditional way of coming through the door…" Vince muttered. "But next time, OPEN it first. What do you want?!" 

"What do I want?" Chyna growled. "You don't know? What are you doing about this evil spawn of Tori?!" 

"What are you talking about?" Vince demanded. "I would KNOW if there was some evil spawn thingie running around, wouldn't I?" The rest of the council was now on their feet, Patterson, Brisco and the Mean Street Posse. Rodney smirked and nudged his fatter and uglier brother Pete, Vince crossed his arms and Joey pointed to the door. 

"You wanna do this the hard way, don't you?" Chyna spat. Vince swaggered up to her, and with a superior smile, shoved her roughly. It was the wrong thing to do… 

Chyna screamed her war cry and sent her fist hurtling into Vince's face. He grasped the area in shock as Chyna grabbed him, lifted him over her head and then flung him; he flew for a few seconds then slammed into the wall. The Posse leapt to their feet and charged the Warrior Princess all at once, but Kitty had taken possession of a nearby broom and deflected Joey Abs with a mighty swing. Road Dogg bounded into the fray and tackled Rodney to the ground. They rolled around on the grimy floor, throwing punches and slamming into tables. Chyna muttered a curse and hit Pete Gas with a hell bent elbow, then turned and headbutted Vince in the nose. Vince screamed and tried to run, but the nasty Warrior Woman grabbed his ankle as he fled and sent him crashing to the ground once more; still he continued his escape as he crawled towards the safety of a closet, Chyna still very much attached. Rodney came flying across the room; she ducked him and then rolled from the path of Road Dogg as he gave chase. Vince was sobbing now and franticly wiggling his leg in an attempt to dislodge the fierce woman, but it was futile. Chyna sent her hand flying towards his backside and took a handful of his loincloth; she pulled…Vince struggled, his ass was exposed… 

"Ewwww!" Kitty screeched as she beat Joey on the ground with her broom. Road Dogg gave Rodney a final kick to the stomach and rushed to help Chyna, but Patterson and Brisco had now got to their feet; They flung their coffee, smacking Road Dogg fair in the back of the head. The ceramic mugs shattered and the scalding hot liquid came into contact with the skin; Road Dogg yelped and fell over in a pathetic heap. Chyna flipped across the room landed on a table, and clunked the old dude's heads together… Suddenly, the door was flung open, and a light shone in through the badly smashed room. And through that light stepped a mighty warrior… 

"Do you smell what the Rock is cookin?" This handsome warrior demanded, before striding into the carnage and knocking Vince out with the hilt of his sword. And as quickly as the battle had began, it was over. Chyna walked over to the warrior. 

"What is your name?" He demanded. Chyna opened her mouth to speak… 

"Chy…" 

"It doesn't matter what your name is!" The Rock shouted gleefully. Chyna looked slightly perplexed. 

"Ooh, have you come to aid us?" Kitty asked as she tried to drag the Road Dogg up. The Rock raised his wonderful eyebrow. 

"The Rock hasn't come to aid you, the Rock has come to stop this roody poo evil spawn." 

"But that's what we are doing." Sighed Kitty. 

"Oh…in that case, the Rock's gonna help you." 

***

Vince struggled on the floor, pulling on the chains Chyna had used to restrain him, his lip starting to quiver. Chyna, rather disgusted by the disturbing behavior of the barbarian, strode over to a rather incapacitated Pete Gas dangling from metal restraints on the wall; Chyna cupped his chin in her palm and glared at him. 

"Wha…what are you going to do?" Rodney sobbed from where he had been thrown, a nearby corner. Chyna turned and flashed a smile before gesturing Road Dogg. He nodded, left the room and returned with a large, steaming vat…of cow manure. Vince's eyes opened wide and he struggled all the more but it was in vain…Chyna dragged him up by the hair and marched him forcefully towards the pot o crap. 

"Now the Rock says, that is a lot of roody poo!" Rocky commented on the situation as Chyna wrenched Vince's gag off and slowly began to push him towards the vat, his arms flailing like a girl. 

"Are you gonna pledge your army to me?" Chyna muttered, watching as Vince's nose got closer and closer to her torture. Vince nodded his head franticly and began to sob, his arms wavering about trying to grasp onto something, anything that could aid his purpose. 

"Yes…yes…anything! My army is yours, yours, yours!!!! Lemme GO!" 

"Thank you…" Chyna muttered, dropping him flat on his face in the dirt, then turning tail and heading out of the room. Road Dogg turned and looked at the carnage the room had been left in then scurried out the door with Kitty. Rocky raised his eyebrow and swaggered out of the room singing a little tune… 

"Rock feels so lonely…he's found a new place to dwell…" 

***

Taker sat on the throne grinning at the pathetic squealing that was coming from the opposite room, Hunter must have been having a hell of a time torturing Shawn. Now slowly, all the pieces were falling into place. Tori was so easily convinced, Hunter was his to manipulate again, Syxx may be the son of a ninny but still was quite an evil little bastard and HBK was totally fucked. One more part, one more card to play…bringing his younger brother back into the equation…although this could present a little problem as Kane really seemed to have it in for him, although he would have thought he would have got over their little squabble by now. For the love of evil, he's only given him a few little scars! 

"Syxx!" Taker growled. Syxx walked semi demonically into the room and gave a small bow, Undertaker groaned and gestured for him to get off the ground as his groveling was making him sick. "You will return to earth and…convince my brother that his ass should be here and not down there." Syxx smiled and then burst into hysterical laughter, slapping his thigh and leaning against the wall. Taker's eyes narrowed as he watched Syxx try to control his giggling. 

"What is so funny?" Taker snapped. Syxx eventually managed to gain enough composure to answer; 

"Kane…of ALL the people you could think of and you pick him?! Ha ha ha ahh ha aah ha ha!" Syxx looked at the Undertaker straight forwardly. "He is useless I tell you…useless. I kicked his ass all over the D-Generate Kingdom and what did he do…well, he chokeslammed me through a table but come on, what a pathetic move! Why don't you consider some one like Viscera!" 

"Now listen here you little fucker, you will get your demonic ass down to earth right now, pose as X-Pac, your father and convince Kane his place by my side…get it?!" 

Syxx scowled but obeyed; "As you wish." 

And vanished. Taker felt the sudden urge to roll his eyes back in his head for the sake of effect, which he did, accompanied by a small session of evil cackling. 

"MUH HA HA HA HA HA!" 

To be continued…


	3. The Uncharted Lands of Nitro

  
  


The Uncharted Lands Of Nitro 

Chyna: Warrior Princess 

Episode XI: The Uncharted Lands Of Nitro 

Disclaimer 

All the Characters here either belong to WWF or WCW. Syxx is my dude. No copyright infringment intended. 

* * *

In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings a land in turmoil cried out for a hero…She was Chyna, a mighty she-he, forged in the heat of low blows and flying elbows. The power, the passion the danger…her courage will whoop some scrawny ass! 

Chyna, now aided by a fierce warrior with stupid sayings, the Rock, is poised for action against Taker, Tori and evil spawn. X-Pac has quite strangely gone missing, as has Kane, whom appears to be quite the wanted man on Mt. Sexy Boy. And little does Chyna know, her ex sidekick/lover/brother/worst enemy is bacckkk. Hunter Hearst Helmsley!!! 

Syxx trudged through the wild wilderness, thoroughly pissed off with the Taker but more pissed with the fact that he had to wear these horrible little green trunks, oh they were awful. And locating Kane wasn't going to be fun, just where did a sick freak spend his spare time these days? He stomped out of the woods and into a small village…yes, he recognized this one, this is the one where he and Chyna had the small altercation. The Kingdom of Ass, wasn't it? Yessss…suddenly having a rather wicked little thought, he decided to lay off the search for the frizzled little brother and made his way to Billy's fortress…he had a proposition to make… 

***

Chyna walked through the doors of a small, rowdy little tavern on the far side of the Corporate Kingdom where she intended to sit down at take a break before she kicked ass. The moment she had taken a step through the entrance a mug of swill came hurtling through the room and shattered inches from her head, an extremely odd looking man followed by another strange looking man were quite festively beating the living crap out of all the other drinkers. 

"Hey D-D-D-D-Von, Looky what I f-f-f-f-f-found." The fat one cried, grabbing the bar maid by the hair and giving her a good shake. All of a sudden a blonde dude came hurtling through the air and smacked the one known as D-Von in the head with a bottle. D-Von fell to the ground. 

"Bubba! Arghhh! Testify!" He screamed to his brother. Bubba Ray dropped the bar maid, grabbed yet another guy, this time a dark haired high flier and bashed his head into the wall, again and again and again. 

"Um…Chyna." Kitty said nervously. "Maybe we could…you know, camp in the woods?" 

Chyna would have replied but the blond had come flying towards her; she barely stepped out of the way as he made his landing on a table, quite shattering it. He rolled off and attempted to crawl away but Bubba kicked him up the ass and then yanked him up by the hair, lifted him over his head and drove him into the bar counter. And then he noticed Chyna… 

"Hey…look at this one!" He said happily. "Let's get h-h-h-h-her!" 

"Get fucked." Chyna muttered, grabbing her chakram and bashing him in the nose. She then sprung into action, backflipping across the room onto the counter and casually pulling the unfortunate fallen blonde to his feet. 

"Name's Chyna." 

"…Jeff." 

So, Chyna kicked Jeff to the floor, leapt into action and landed neatly in front of D-Von; he swung a balled fist at her, she blocked and replied with one of her own. He staggered backwards, a little stunned as the Rock swaggered up to Bubba and started to perform weird, body thrusting punches later to be defined as the 'Rocky Punch'. The two smaller men dived right in and sent themselves flipping all over the room while Kitty stood in the sidelines and played the part of cheerleader. 

That is, until Bubba broke away from the punch on, lifted Kitty up and planted her through a table… 

"You bastard! You total, utter bastard!" Chyna screamed in anguish as her small sidekick rolled around the floor moaning in pain. At once she literally launched herself across the bar using momentum she didn't even know had and caught Bubba in a hold which could quite accurately be described as a 'Thigh Clutch'. Bubba's eyes bulged as she applied more pressure with her well sculpted muscles, bringing him down slowly and shakily to the beer splattered floor. Rocky was quite enjoying himself, doing his weird ass punches upon D-Von, the Blond known as Jeff and the other one taking some well needed rest, leaning on the various broken tables. The battle was short but sharp after that, the Dudleyz lying upon the ground sorry they ever messed with these 'vicious-when-pissed-off' people. 

"Who…who are you?" Jeff asked, pulling the dark haired one from the ground. "Matt? Speak to me Matt!" 

"Name's Chyna…" Chyna turned and pulled her poor, mangled sidekick up from the shattered remains of the table. "This is Kitty, Road Dogg and…sorry, I've forgotten your name…" 

"Rock, for the tenth time…" The Rock muttered. Chyna shrugged. 

"Rock…" Chyna tried to rouse Kitty by flinging a glass of ancient scotch in her face. She came back around coughing a spluttering, then a small grin formed on her face as she began to quickly lick the strong alcohol from her lips. Chyna shook her head. "We're chasing a deranged, somewhat scrawny spawn of darkness who goes by the name of Syxx…seen him?" 

"Nope…" Jeff shrugged. "This is my brother Matt…we brawl here every Friday." Rock raised his fine eyebrow, but Jeff shrugged. "We're creatures of habit." 

"Fine, fine…" Chyna put her arms around the brothers and smiled grimly. "How would you like to give me a hand , boys…" She propped up her breast plates and smiled. "Or two…" 

"Whatcha got on your mind, Chyna?" Matt asked with a stupid smile. Chyna tapped her nose knowingly, then shoved them all out of her way, her voice stern. 

"I am officially commandeering this bar in the name of all that is holy. It will know be known as outpost Chyna-Alpha 1. This will be our first station of attack…get these two inbred brothers of the ground and fix them up with some uniforms…they will be our foot soldiers. Matt, Jeff…get some weapons, you will be our lookouts and defense." She paused for breath. "Rock, you will be my second in command…I shall call you number one." 

"But…The Rock's name is…" 

"It doesn't matter what your name is!" Chyna snapped with a certain amount of glee. "I am in command here, and I'll call you whatever I damn like. Road Dogg, you will be our scout, and by that I mean you will get your ass on a horse and find some more soldiers for my army. Kitty, you can be the healer, grave digger, whatever, for when the war starts and people start getting brutally murdered. Understood?" Kitty nodded nervously. Chyna flipped the hair off her face, and hopped on to the bar top. "You…bar maids, hos, you will be our inspiration! You will provide us with grog and pleasant exchange, and you will use your…uh, other many assets to lure in the enemy! To arms, to arms, we stand and fight! Oh, and Road Dogg, please find Kane…gods knows what they could use him for." 

***

Syxx smiled slightly as Billy Gunn served small pasties for lunch, interested in this offer for power. Yes, this egotistical bastard could be very useful, his lust for power would eventually be his undoing, but served as a stepping stone for his success. 

"So…X-Pac, what have you come to discuss…?" Billy asked, crossing his legs as he sat on the golden couch. Syxx shuddered…gods he hated that stupid name, but hid it with a pleasant expression. 

"Hmmm…well, I was actually offering that our two kingdoms join forces. That the D-Generate and the Ass kingdoms join to form…one really big one." 

"Really?" Billy dropped his pastie in his lap, but didn't notice. "That's a lot of land!" 

"Indeed it is…" Syxx grinned evilly. "All I need from you is your cooperation, that's it. You can move in today, all I need is the use of your…rather large army for the afternoon." 

"That's it?" Billy choked. "Deal!" They shook hands, Billy flushing with excitement. Syxx grinned and they left the room, headed outside where his army was waiting. Syxx hissed under his breath; it was seriously depleted, and after some recall remembered he was the one who had killed most of them. No matter, he would send them to each province in search of Kane. 

"Ta…" he muttered under his breath, and then quickly gave them their orders… 

***

Kane had found himself in a spot of bother, what, being surrounded by very annoyed cave dwellers from the uncharted lands of Nitro. Their leader, who went by the name of Ric Flair, was a large, white haired, excitable barbarian, and a second rate one at that. Vince could have really whooped his ass if he felt in the mood. And Ric's heir apparent was nothing on Shane McMahon either, David was a little fool with really bad hair. Kane begun to consider if he was in the evil parallel universe, because the Nitro Kingdoms were just blatant rip offs of everything he knew and held dear, perhaps he had found himself at the Nexus of the Universe or something. Ho hum. 

"Woooooo! Get outta my land, you big red whatsit!" Ric squealed aggressively, his small pathetic son hopping up and down behind him. Kane looked them both up and down for a few seconds, and making the quick decision that Ric was a dickhead, grabbed him by the throat and flung him smack bang into feeble David. Ric began wailing his 'wooo' even louder, which brought a large, badly tanned balding old dude loping out of a cave, most notably he looked like Billy Gunn…a really ancient version of Billy Gunn. Kane winced slightly, almost blinded by that tan, as Hulk ran at him, screaming obscenities. Kane shrugged then and punched him in the head, defeating him. Kane sighed and then turned away and began walking off, these people were just too sad. 

But no! Kane was then set upon by a vicious Rey Mysterio Jr. who did a little lamby leap at him, so Kane felt it quite necessary to really hurt him. With ridiculous ease caught him with one hand and then flung him ala Taker…unfortunately he did not shish-ka-bab on a tree, but you can't win all the time. Rey crawled away, Kane decided that it was now really time for him to leave, and so off he went. Ric began his crazy 'WOOOO' call once more and set then entire WCW troglodyte community upon the Big Red Machine…Kane sighed, turned and picked up a log, and with a mighty throw, he sent it hurtling towards them. Three Count hadn't a chance, and after they fell were trampled to death anyway. When Konnan saw them fall he became quite excited and dragged their bodies excitedly towards a large pot, Rey bounding behind him. 

"You come here, I feed you meat!" Konnan declared to his lil buddy. Rey hopped up and down in glee. Kane winced at the behavior of this species, he now felt inclined to wipe them all off the face of the Earth, and so, he charged them and hit Kidman and Sting with a double clothesline. Into the pot they went. Dropkick to Sidvicious. Chokeslam to Buff. Meng, The Steiner brothers, DDP, Alex Wright and Bam Bam Bigelo all fell to his fists. Down went an already pissed Scott Hall. Van Hammer soared high and fast into Curt Henning. Kane was standing victorious… 

All that stood between him and leaving this little hellhole was Goldberg, Kevin Nash and a really jacked up Aysa. Goldberg came bounding at him, his pecks jiggling dangerously, looking focused, a complete killing machine…the ultimate challenge… 

Kane knocked him down with one punch. He rolled away. 

Kevin Nash then gave it his best shot, but Kane caught him in a back body drop…and unfortunately he fell down a sheer cliff face that just conveniently happened to be there. Kane looked down nervously and was not really ready for Asya's nasty attack, as a matter of fact she speared him…they both staggered backwards…Kane just managed to keep his balance. He looked at this jacked up she-he in dismay; she looked at him and snarled…both froze as they felt the cliff crumbling beneath them…they tumbled down the ravine… 

To Be Continued…


	4. Distractions, Dudleyz and Stunt Grannies...

  
  


Chyna: Warrior Princess 

Episode XII: Distractions, Dudleyz and Stunt Grannies...Oh My! 

The characters depicted here aint mine, they belong to darling Vincent the Barbarian...except fpr Syxx, he's MY bad boy...muh hahahahahaha! Oooh...no copyright infringement (what does that word mean anyway?!) Intended... 

* * *

In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero…she was Chyna, a mighty she-male forged in the heat of her never ceasing low blows. The power…the passion…the danger! Her courage will change the world…for the better I can't say, but hell, she's gonna change it and the damn the consequences… 

As you may recall, Syxx the evil Spawn thingie is making life a bitch for Chyna and all her little friends in their little world. Just wait till Chyna gets her hands on Hunter again! But the more immediate problem at hand is that Kane recently fell down a ravine with a jacked up she-he WCW troglodyte who goes by the name of Aysa. Oh dear. 

Kane slowly opened his eyes, to find that he was quite amazingly alive, but quite unfortunately that Aysa had landed on top of him. He stood up immediately and the fierce woman slid off, and surveying his surroundings, began to make his exit. But Aysa too was up in a moment, and she looked at him with cold, calculating eyes, and she spoke; 

"Just where do you think you're going?! Eh?!" She spat nastily, adjusting her rabbit skin wonder bra in anguish. "You're not leaving me here!" 

"Uh…yeah…I am." Kane stated flatly. And then he continued his exit. But Aysa ran at him and blocked his path, and she pulled forth a whip from her small, revealing negligee. 

"I am Aysa, Warrior Queen!" She snapped. "I am the finest warrior in all of Nitro, and I'm telling you, you're taking me with you! Don't make me hurt you boy!" 

Kane spun and stared at her, and unnoticed raised an eyebrow. Aysa snarled and ran at him, and nastily sprung upon his shoulders, maliciously smacking him in the head. Kane staggered backwards and went crashing into the wall, Aysa was flung off and landed heavily. She hissed and was up in a second, she snarled and was about to attack again when all of a sudden two of Billy's, or rather Syxx's 'men' came loping through the canyon…it was Mae Young and Moolah! Yes, Billy's stunt grannies! And the pair of hideous crones both attacked poor old Kane at once, beating him senseless with their scabby old fists, and Aysa suddenly felt a twinge of sympathy for the big red dude…that and the fact that Mae was hellbent on displaying her puppies. So Aysa whipped Moolah off Kane, then spun on the gyrating Mae and ripped her head off…it was quite difficult too, for Mae's neck had the quality of decomposing beef jerky. But Aysa managed it, and when she was done she grabbed Moolah and smashed her into the wall and until every bone in the old hag's body was shattered, then she dropped her body on Mae's headless one, and turned to Kane. 

"I've had a change of heart…you can travel with me for a while, if you really want to…" She smiled a scary smile. "I wouldn't want you to be attacked by old women again. Come on." 

Kane groaned but complied, hell, he didn't want this woman to put him in a thigh clutch to the head again… 

***

Chyna sat on her throne…yes, she had a throne…awaiting news from Road Dogg, the little fudge-packer was taking forever. She scowled and sipped her swill, her eyes darting this way and that in anguish, the Rock standing by her side. She called for her ale and swigged it dangerously, as the two inbred Dudley brother's came clanking into the room in the armor Kitty had kindly fashioned for them, out of filthy old broken pots she had found underneath the bar. Bubba Ray came stomping all the way over to the Warrior Princess, and he took several deep breaths, goggling her nastily. Chyna spoke; 

"Yeah…and what the fuck do you want, puff ball?" 

"Now you li…li..lis…" D-von kindly smacked him in the noggin. "Listen here bitch. What do you think you're doing, huh? I aint doing no…no…nothin to help you out…" 

"That's fine, fine…" Chyna said sweetly, dismissing it with a flick of her wrist. Bubba looked slightly surprised. 

"You…you mean you don't care?" 

"Not at all." Her wide smile grew ever so wider. 

"Well…then we'll be leaving now…testify…" Said D-Von, and he and his brother turned to walk out. Chyna raised her hand with a smirk. 

"Uh uh uh…" She said firmly, causing the brothers to turn around in unison. Chyna turned to the Rock, who had already begun to walk towards the both of them. "Number One…string them up good and tight…" 

"Wha…what?!" Bubba stammered as Chyna herself sprung from her seat and charged, the Rock by her side, and tackled them to the ground. Grabbing some rope, she spoke with a grim smile as she tied them up with her lieutenant. 

"You don't want to help…well that's fine with me. You're going to be the bait." She paused to gag D-Von. "So I'll tell you what…I'm gonna hang you from a nice tall tree all dressed up in your nice armor, and build a bit of a fake look out there. Naturally Syxx will attempt to kill you, and that's when he will fall directly into the trap I have set for him…well, that I'm going to set. Then my men…these Hardyz, and a few select hos and Miss Kitty will leap out and provide what I call…distraction. They will fight him for a while, which will give me and Rocko…" 

"It's Rock." 

"Rock, the chance to make our way to Mt. Sexy Boy. Where we will hopefully free HBK, who in turn will be able to destroy this pathetic little bastard. And all this can take place when Road Dogg returns with Kane or X-Pac, but preferably both. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" 

"MMMMmmmm! MMMMM!" The two brothers yelped in unison through their gags. Chyna patted each one on the head. 

"Good.." 

***

Kane and Aysa made their slow way through the pass. Neither speaking to one another or really even trying to look at one another. Aysa would shoot a bit of a glance at Kane once and a while, Kane would turn and eye her a bit, and they would continue walking. Finally Aysa broke the silence. 

"Alright, spill the beans…why the fuck were you wandering through the sacred lands of Nitro?" 

Kane looked at her. "Because." 

"No that just doesn't cut it my large red leather clad friend." She snapped. Stopping dead in her tracks. "You were there for a reason!" 

"…I really wasn't." Kane sighed. "I got lost…look it's a really long and painful story." 

"Well, lay it on me." Aysa said, crossing her arms. Kane stared at her. 

"You want to hear it?" 

"Yes I want to hear it!" 

"Alright…" Kane paused for a second to try and remember the way X-Pac always told the stories of Chyna, and when he thought he had sufficiently summed it all up in his mind, he began. 

"Ok, the story begins with this woman named Chyna…she's kinda like you…" 

"Wait wait…" Aysa paused and pulled a flask out of her hefty cleavage. She swigged it and then handed it to Kane. "Get some of this into you…" 

"…Ok." Kane gently lifted up his mask and swigged some of it…it was very strong. "Now where was I…?" 

"Chyna woman…" Aysa pulled a very large bottle out of her fuzzy bra. Kane's eyes widened…oh well, the best way to tell this tale is when you're completely shlacked anyway… 

***

The Dudleyz swung gently in the night breeze as they struggled frenziedly, Chyna, Rocky, the Hardyz and a few hos hiding in the bushes. It had been a few hours and still no one had come towards the trap, and they all seemed to be losing hope…well, all except the hos, coz they were too stupid and were prepared to remain hopeful all night. Chyna had just felt her eyelids begin to drop when she heard footsteps approach; her eyes flicked open and she nudged the Rock awake. 

"Hey!" She hissed, elbowing him sharply. He sat up quickly, looking around. 

"Wha…what!? The Rock was just resting the people's eyes!" 

"Somebody's coming." She said softly, and they all ducked down and waited. The footsteps came nearer, the Dudleyz whimpers became louder, there was a loud cracking noise and a shriek. 

"Gaaaaaaaaa!" 

"Gotcha fucker!" Chyna screamed running out of the thicket. She looked up, and there dangling from the net was a very frantic looking…Road Dogg. Chyna moaned in anguish. 

"What are you doing up there you scabby little reptile?!" Chyna demanded angrily, staring upwards. "Get down!" 

But Road Dogg's struggles had ceased, his jaw had dropped and his eyes were transfixed, terrified on something in the distance. Chyna slowly turned around slowly to witness Syxx standing before them, carrying a lit torch, the flickering light playing on his demonic features. Chyna pulled out her Charkram but then paused as another figure came out of the darkness…it was HHH. 

"Hunter…"Chyna breathed slowly, in shock. Hunter smirked and stepped forward, his hands on his black leather clad hips. 

"That's right Chyna, it's me. And you know what, I think it's high time I killed you for a change." He took the torch from Syxx's grip. "Can you say nighty night?" 

And then he flung it into the scrub, the small bushes catching fire immediately and beginning to burn high into the night sky. He pulled a small flask off the side of his belt and threw it into the flames, causing a huge, smoking explosion which blew Chyna, Kitty and the Rock back 10 feet. The fire spread quickly and leapt up the sides of the trees, where unfortunately the charred skeletons of the Dudley boys dangled, their filthy grimy pots still very much attached. Kitty winced at the sight and turned her head, but Chyna stood up tall and flung her Chakram at her Brother…it bounced off his head and came flying back into her hand. He grasped his forehead in pain. 

"OW! BITCH!" He shrieked, running around Syxx in little circles. "She hurt me! She hurt me! Do something!" 

"Oh my Gods…" Syxx rolled his eyes at his accomplice. "The sacred scrolls never said anything about you being a dick weed." 

"Maybe they need some editing!" Kitty raised her quill high in the air and waved it about a bit…Chyna shoved her to the ground. 

"Alright Syxx…you want to fight? So let's fight." Chyna snarled, pulling out her sword. 

"What…here?" Syxx cried, looking at the smoldering remains of what used to be a forest. "No thankyou, I need an audience. I NEED AN AUDIENCE!" 

"Did I hear someone say audience?" A slurred voice came from the blackened bushes, as Aysa and Kane charged through…Kane wearing Aysa's fuzzy bra and Aysa's wearing Kane's oversized Tunic as a large red dress. Aysa raised the empty bottle over her head, and waved it about crazily while Kane giggled inanely. 

"We'll watch you baby!!!!" Aysa cried happily. "Who are you?" 

"Well, it looks…it looks like he might be the stripper…" Kane said shakily, nudging Aysa in the ribs. "Aye? Sounds a bit rude to me!" 

"Oh hellllllll yeeeee-ah!" Aysa screamed into the night air, before staggering over behind a tree and violently throwing up. Kane gave her a smack on the ass as she did so and she fell head over heels into her own vomit. "…Aw Fuck!" 

"What the hell are you doing?!" Chyna demanded Kane, stomping up to him and forgetting all about Syxx, who seemed equally surprised. "You give our family a bad name!" 

"Hey…you killed most of it!" Kane cried defensively, putting his hands on his hips. Chyna's eyes narrowed. 

"Don't start with me!" She snapped. "Or I'll hurt you." And with that she snatched a fallen branch gave gave him a good whack over the noggin. Kane looked at her and swayed a bit. 

"Look if you're gonna fight use a REAL weapon…not a toothpick…" He moved a bit to the left and grabbed Aysa's sword from her collapsed form, raised is very high…his arms began to give out, he staggered backwards… 

And smacked Hunter so very very hard in the head. 

"Alright, I've had enough!" Syxx snapped, stepping over Hunter's lifeless body. I will fight you tomorrow, after breakfast, at the Parthenon of the gods, in front of my mother…and as many people who will buy tickets. Until then, bitch, I bid thee adieu." And, grabbing the unconscious HHH by the scruff of the neck he was off in a smallish puff of black smoke. Chyna turned and stared at the blackened forest, the dead Dudleyz, Kane still swaying in a very fuzzy brassiere, and the general ruins of the place, and she sighed; 

"What is going on in my horoscope today?" 

To Be Continued… 


	5. The Publicity Event of B.C

  
  


Chyna: Warrior Princess 

  


  


Episode XIII: The Publicity Event Of B.C 

The characters here except for Syxx aint mine, yadda yadda yadda...I'm really gettin sick of this preemptive song and dance! Gaaaa! 

* * *

In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero…she was Chyna, a mighty she-male forged in the heat of low blows, grog and charred Dudley Boyz. The power, the passion, the danger…her courage will sell a hell of a lot of tickets! 

As you may recall, Chyna now is going to be involved in the publicity event of BC with her professional wrestling debut against Syxx atop of Mt. Sexy Boy for the safety of the world from nasties such as certain members of her Jerry Springerous family. Taking onboard a Great warrior named Rock, some high flying Hardy brothers and a carbon clone named Aysa, Chyna is poised for action… 

Billy had really taken the selling of the tickets quite to heart as he rushed around the bar waving the scrolls that Kitty had kindly drawn up for the mammoth event, which featured stadium seating, free turnips and free beer. Stone Cold read the parchment excitedly as the entire Bar Community packed their overnight bags and begun the pilgrimage to Mt. Sexy Boy for the most meaningful event in their meaningless lives. 

***

Vince picked up the scroll which had arrived for him via carrier pigeon (which was conveniently shot down, cooked up and pickled for one of Linda's dinner parties, much to the offence of her feathery son) and read it while munching on his toasted breakfast. His eyes bulged and he spat his lovingly made breakfast on the table, leapt to his feet and called for his chariot. The McMahon's and their esteemed high council were off, and Linda even took her pickled pigeon for a half time snack. 

***

Mideon ran around the not-so-sacred-anymore lands of the Taker waving the invitation around franticly, that is until Bradshaw clotheslined him. The Holly's leapt for joy, Viscera put on his favorite leather moo-moo, and the forces of evil shuffled off…its not everyday an event offers free turnips! 

***

Chyna gaped at all the people arriving and clambering as fast as they could up the holy mountain to witness as Kitty quickly scribbled on her scroll behind her, surrounded by the Headbangers, D'Lo Brown and Gangrel. Kitty seemed to be becoming rather stressed out; Chyna strolled up to see what was going on. 

"Look, is it that hard to write down?!" D'Lo snapped, thrusting a fistful of Dinars beneath her nose. "I'm wagering 25 dinars that Syxx will defeat Chyna, no interference!" 

"Wait wait!" Mosh cried, handing her 2 dirty looking coins. "2 dinars says Chyna wins!" 

"3 dinars!" Thrasher added, tossing another coin, which happened to be a very irregular shape. "3 dinars that Chyna will win! Oh wait…that's not money…I didn't think that hole had closed over…damn that one cost a lot too." 

"Ewwwww!" Kitty shrieked, flinging the small piece of metal away. "Look, I see your heart is in the right place, but I draw the limit at discarded piercings! Dinars only!" 

"I was gonna pay you with my baby teeth…" Gangrel whined, reaching his hand into a small bag at his thigh and pulling out a handful of small pointy teeth. Kitty stared and she pulled a pained expression. 

"What are you, an alligator?!" Kitty snapped, slapping his wrist and sending teeth flying in all directions, as Val Venis approached with a small mosaic. He grinned, declared that Syxx would win, and offered the object as his bet. Kitty never knew something so small could be so very pornographic and with a small cry she snatched it off him and bashed him across the head with the offending object, then, as soon as he had hit the ground, begun madly stomping on his fallen form. Chyna rolled her eyes and, taking Mosh's 2 dirty dinars and Thrasher's piercing and telling D'Lo to shove his money us his punctured ass, she shooed all the betters away and pulling Kitty off Val, started up the mountain… 

***

The fight was on in an hour and there was no time for breakfast as Edge wandered in Chyna's personal locker room with his wagon of fruity pies to wish the warrior woman good luck. What he found was Chyna laying back in her locker room clutching at her head while Kane and Aysa drank cheap wine and smoked ancient weed together on the floor (Maybe this woman wasn't such a good influence after all…), the Rock doing his eyebrow exercises, a small group of hoes and the Hardyz doing aerobics and Kitty wildly scribbling down the tale while Road Dogg played a small flute. His eyes bugged at the sight of Chyna's stress and so he offered her a pie, and she gave him such a glare he thought his testicles were in for a real pounding. 

"Edge…as you can see, I may be totally screwed." She stood up and prepared to give her moving speech. "But, I would like to take this opportunity to say, in front of this small crowd, who could pay me some respect and at least ATTEMPT to listen…" She kicked at Kane and Aysa at the ground; their wine splattered all over the place and they were on their feet immediately. "That although my line of work is one of the most back breaking, filthy, hardened, irritating, blood spattered and occasionally fatal occupations I can think of, I'm semi-happy. I'm semi-happy knowing I'm making a difference to all your assholes. I'm…aw hell, Aysa, gimme some of that wine. I might as well go out happy…" 

"Hear hear…" Kitty clapped softly at the bravery of the Warrior Princess. 

***

HHH munched happily on one of Edge's gourmet fruity pies in the corner of Syxx's personal changing room, while Syxx sharpened his sword, Tori styled her hair, and Taker stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed, glaring at the small, weedy son of X-Pac. How dare he disobey him and not bring Kane? Was he that incompetent? Or perhaps he just felt like really pissing him off. At any rate, as soon as Chyna was dead at his feet, Syxx would be no more, he would assure that. The little bastard had to die with Chyna as he definitely could be a threat to his empire. As he was contemplating the thought, the horn sounded, the crowd cheered, and Syxx looked up…it was time. 

***

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MORNING AT THE SEXY BOY STADIUM WE HAVE THE ULTIMAAAAAATE BATTLE BETWEEN GOOOOOOOD AND EEEEEEEEEVILLLLLL!" Howard Finkle sounded like some great beast through that sacred horn of the echoes, he really did. 

"INTRODUCING FIRST, THE SIDE OF ULTIMATE EVIL, ACCOMPNAIED BY HIS DOTING CRONIES, SYYYYYYYYXXXXXXX!" 

"I am not a Cronie!" Undertaker snapped at Howard, leaping onto the podium, grabbing his toga and shaking him nastily. "Call me that again and I'll…I'll…" 

Before he could finish Syxx had grabbed him by the britches and yanked him down from assaulting the Fink. Taker snarled and eyed the crowd nastily as he tried to maintain composure and continued to walk In his well perfected demonic way directly behind Syxx, with Tori behind him waving inanely at the crowd, and Hunter doing much the same. How did he get mixed up with these gits? 

***

"Don't treat me like a woman…Don't you dare treat me like a man…and don't treat me like you know me either!" Chyna shouted as she ran into the stadium, Miss Kitty at her side waving at the very excitedly crowd. Stone Cold rose from his seat at the front row and asked, a confused look on his face; 

"Wait on. If I can't treat you like a woman, and I can't treat you like a man, and I can't treat you like I know you…then how AM I supposed to treat you, eh?" 

"Why, for who and what I am, silly boy!" Chyna giggled, waggling a finger at him as she staggered forward. "Gimme that!" And with that, she snatched his Steveweiser and swallowed the contents with one gulp. The crowd cheered even louder as she made loud grunting noises and flexed her muscles in a very over exaggerated manner, then ran around in a few small circles screeching "Wooooooooooo!" Road Dogg ran out into the arena and begun to scream "Getting jiggy wid it!", Kitty bought out her pom poms and did a very athletic lamby leap in the air, Kane appeared smoking an ancient joint and Edge ran out with his fruit pies and flung them at Hunter with wild abandon. Chyna snatched the joint and inhaled very deeply, and suddenly everything felt pretty cosy in this arena. Stoned out of her brain and stinking of cheap wine she turned to face her adversary, tottering unevenly and, taking her Chakram from her side, whizzed it around her finger with a small giggle. Syxx's jaw dropped and for the first time in his life he felt very, very embarrassed, Tori's pout was so large it could have developed sentience, and HHH was franticly trying to get the caked mixture of pastry and summer berries out of his lovely hair. Chyna spoke; 

"Now, we are all gathered here I'm sure to see me, Chyna: Warrior Princess, kick some serious ass! Candy ass! Roooooooody pooooooooooo!" Rock appeared behind her and he looked annoyed. 

"Don't you dare rip off the Rock's sayings!" He squealed. 

"Know your role…" Chyna spun and snarled. 

"No, you know your role!" Rock snapped. "Why aren't you knowing it?!" 

"Because you're full of shit Number One…given, it's a special sort of shit, but the nonetheless…aw fuck off. I'm probably gonna be in a lot of pain soon and I don't need you hassling me." 

Rock eyed her nastily, stamped his foot, and stomped off to his special bench, but immediately looked happier when Jeff Hardy gave him a turnip. Chyna continued; 

"Anywho, back to being optimistic here, I would like to spend some time talking about…my boobies…" 

Kitty dropped her pom poms quite stunned at Chyna's pep talk to the crowd, but then again, most of the crowd was male, and Chyna did have some impressive boobies. 

"Some people say my boobies have corrupted a large portion of the ancient world, but I say, why not let your dogs out as long as you have a nice strong leather leash! Coz leather is good except when your riding your pony coz then its goes all askew. But anyway, Syxx you disgusting little silky boy, I guran-damn-tee my boobies will slap you up like the bitch you are! Hand me that beer, Stevie!" 

a pair of Steveweisers were thrown in her direction and, catching them in both hands, she cracked them open with her forehead, splashed it down her mighty boobies and gulped down the rest. Stone Cold could not help but wipe away a solitary tear. 

"That was…so…beautiful." He breathed as the Warrior Princess shook the sparkling droplets of ale in all directions. "She is truly…one of us…" 

The drunken community was very moved at the beautiful sight of the drunken stoned Warrior Woman, but Syxx was less than impressed with her behavior. He could not believe that the Undertaker was defeated by this woman on all these occasions! He snarled, he screamed for attention, and he pounced on her…the battle was on! 

To Be Continued… 


	6. Chyna Lays the Epic Smackdown

Chyna: Warrior Princess  
  
Episode XIV: Chyna Lays the Epic Smack Down  
  
Disclaimer: Everybody sitting in the arena at this point belongs to Vince the Barbarian, 'cept Syxx. Coarse Language abounds, but it always does.  
  
  
  
In a time of ancient gods, warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. She was Chyna, a mighty she-male forged in the heat of loko weed. The power, the passion, the danger.her boobies will save the world!!!  
  
As you may remember from our previous episode, Chyna is a pot head with impressive boobies. Nuff said.  
  
Syxx collided with the Warrior Princess with more force than you'd expect from a scrawny little silky boy and they rolled into the dust, Chyna moaning and waving her arms in an attempt to attack. Her forearm limply smashed into Syxx's nose and he shrieked and bounced backwards, landing on his ass with a hefty 'WHUMP!' and snarling nastily. Chyna struggled to her feet and, swaying to one side, reached for her sword and brought it out, raised it above her head and charged; as Syxx rose she gave him such a whack across the back of the head he flew a good 2 feet at least. He hit the ground really hard and this time he looked quite pained and quite like his father after Chyna would flick him in the head for being a weed. Chyna giggled with a smile that was scary, and taking her Chakram, she flung it at his laid out form; it struck him in the forehead and he shrieked as Chyna captured it, strode towards him and flung herself atop of him. They rolled about in the dirt once more and the crowd leapt to their feet, and that's where the trouble started.  
  
***  
  
Hunter flung himself over the barrier, and sprinting towards the combatants, flung himself into the fray. He landed smack bang into the pair of them and they writhed about trying to rip each others heads off. Rock was up like a flash and he too hopped on top of Syxx and began crawl about and attempt his Rocky punches on his stomach, but it really didn't seem to be working as well as he would like. Road Dogg was up and so was Edge, Tori wailed and Taker spat tobacco into Christian's beautiful hair, Christian began to sob and fell over the barricade. Jericho's head appeared from the crowd and he pounced on Chyna, as did Big Vis who glided in gracefully, for it was a very pretty moo moo he was clad in that day. Mideon ran through naked, Bradshaw and Farooq's game on ancient black jack was interrupted, and Kane decided to attack his brother. The Hardy Boyz back flipped off the roof, as they had slipped up there while Chyna was spouting off about her boobies, and smacked into the nasty Jericho, and there was much hair pulling that followed. It was more entertaining than the Olympic Riot!!!!  
  
***  
  
Chyna took grip of Hunter and gave his head a mighty good shaking, and she could help but laugh at his head bobbing up and down all over the place. He looked like D'Lo Brown! She began to sing the age old tune of 'Frocky Boy' as she stuck his head down the two enormous reminders she was corrupting the ancient world and gave his face a good mashing. His muffled cries sounded from her cleavage and she pushed him to the ground, and, smiling sweetly, drove her leather clad foot into his unprepared balls. He squealed like a girl and curled up into a ball whimpering; oh how could he forgot what that felt like?!  
  
Chyna then turned her attentions back to Syxx, who was systematically flinging all who attacked him very far away. She watched with wide eyes as Billy Gunn flew over her head to the right, and Christian to the left, the Road Dogg to the right, and Edge to the left, then Stone Cold to the right.it was quite a mesmerizing sight. She found herself being really distracted by all the big strong men flying above her, and suddenly, she felt Nirvana. She sighed and began walking around in rhythmic circles in her harmony, and opening her eyes, was greeted with a vision. A vision of her death.a vision of her crucifixion! And then, as quickly as the vision was there.it was gone. Snapping out of her stoned and drunken stupor through the will of destiny, she withdrew her sword and charged the evil spawn of Tori, he turned and their swords clashed. She snarled, he snarled, they both snarled and they battled it out fiercely. Chyna cried out her war cry and kicked him in the face, and they fought through the rioting crowd as they were splattered with the beer and turnips, gods lovely turnip mashed, and into the Parthenon they battled. Chyna audibly gasped at what she saw.  
  
***  
  
Taker had pretty much neutralized all of the fools who were trying their damnedest to hurt him, and turning his attentions back to Kane, he smirked at his brother.  
  
"Join me brother!" He cried triumphantly. Kane looked at him, and feeling rather Chyna-ish, blasted Taker's demonic balls with a low blow that had less dexterity than the Warrior Princess ever had. Taker moaned like a sow on heat and fell to his knees, and then, the mighty Aysa pounced and caught Taker in her artful thigh clutch to the head, smacking him in the nose with little shrieks. Taker flung the Warrior Queen off, looked at Kane, figured the woman meant something to him.and threw her straight off the cliff. Kane screamed the most tortured, pissed off, mortally wounded banshee cry you have ever heard in your life and pounced at his nasty brother, but Taker had picked up a huge rock and unfortunately, Kane ran straight into it. He rolled to the ground unconscious. Taker cackled as Syxx emerged with a demonic look on his features and he loped towards the Lord of Darkness with a grin.  
  
"My lord! My lord! Chyna is dead!"  
  
"Exxxxxxxcellent.."  
  
Taker turned to embrace Tori, and Syxx, seizing the opportunity of a turned back, pulled out Chyna's Chakram and with his first attempt of flinging it, implanted it in Taker's back. Taker roared a very pissed off roar and turned, he searched blindly for he whom had betrayed him, he saw Syxx staggering from the Parthenon.and lifting an 'over sized' toothpick he flung it and impaled the evil Spawn. Syxx shrieked and ran around in three small circles before dropping dead, Tori wailed very very loudly at the loss of her son, and Taker cackled slightly knowing he had killed the little murderer. As he laid down and prepared to die.AGAIN.he looked up, and he saw Syxx looking down upon him.hopping up and down doing X-Chops festively.and felt seriously screwed. He would have said something insulting, but he dropped dead.  
  
***  
  
Chyna stepped out of the Parthenon, and gave X-Pac a pat on the back. He blushed slightly as he was given the opportunity to get up close and personal with Chyna's corruptive boobies. Kitty rushed up to them with surprise on her face; looking X-Pac up and down with her mouth and her eyes opened wide, she finally managed to speak;  
  
"X-Pac?! But.how!?"  
  
"They were gonna use me in their plot! They had plans man, real nasty ones, they were gonna use me to lure Kane into their clutches! But like the Fates said, I was destined to save the world, and I've saved it! I've saved it! Who's pathetic now, huh?"  
  
"Fine, fine." Chyna sighed, flicking him in the forehead. He winced and ducked for cover from the fierce woman, when suddenly some incoherent mumbling forced them all to look behind.there was Hunter lamely struggling to his feet.  
  
"Aw shit." Chyna muttered. "I forgot about him."  
  
Kitty thought for a moment.then she pulled Chyna over and whispered something in her ear. Chyna looked quite interested.she turned and smiled at HHH sweetly.  
  
"Hunter." She sighed, pulling him up by the hair. "Seeming my esteemed colleague Miss Kitty is not sadistic by nature, I'm going to let you live." Hunter's pathetic cowering immediately ceased when he heard the words.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"You heard me." She dropped him again and he fell flat on his face. "But.there is one teeny weeny little detail." She did not wait for his response; she turned to gaze at him and her sweet smile was becoming so sweet it was becoming scary. "You see, My pony is becoming really quite decrepit in it's old age, and you seem to have a good strong back, so.Shawwwwwwwn." Her smile was now terrifying, Shawn Michaels appeared in a puff of smoke, and Hunter was looking for somewhere to run.  
  
***  
  
Chyna had never really enjoyed kicking a horse as much as she enjoyed kicking this one, as Kitty skipped merrily by her side scribbling the finishing touches onto the mighty tale of Syxx. Kane carried poor old Aysa in his arms, as quite amazingly she was not killed by the fall, (Numbed by swill.) but quite unamazingly was still in a drunken stupor. X-Pac was happy to be back with his D-Generate buddies once more, and as for Rocky.  
  
Can you say 'spin off?'  
  
Yup, all good, for she was Chyna: Warrior Princess.  
  
And her courage certainly did change the world!!!  
  
The End 


End file.
